ONE IN FOUR WOMEN WILL GO THROUGH A MISCARRIAGE.
I AM ONE IN FOUR.
I will never forget the day i was told
“your baby is dead”
Yes those exact words
May 26th, 2014, I wasn’t feeling too good — a feeling that had me in a fetal position. I had pains in my lower back, spotting, and was nauseous.
Being twenty one and 13 weeks pregnant, I went straight to the hospital to get checked out. I was by myself and with a social worker, as I wasn’t expecting the words that were about to come out of the ultrasound technician’s mouth.
“Your baby is dead”
Blood tests were done, and I was put on a drip, later to be told I had a very severe kidney infection, among other things, which resulted in my miscarriage.
Before going to the maternity ward, I had to get my kidney infection under control first — antibiotics through a drip and bed rest for a couple of days. Two full days go by as i laid in the hospital bed waiting to go to maternity to deliver the baby that was no longer.
My mind was on constant repeat asking myself why? The feeling of grief that flooded my body was like nothing I have ever felt or experienced before.
Once I got to the maternity ward, I was in a private room by myself, so I didn’t have to be in a room with newborns and new parents, which was nice but very isolating to say the least.
I was offered two options:
- Go in for a D&C and have it over and done with, or
- Have a mini induction and deliver naturally first, then go in for a D&C.
Choosing to deliver naturally was the longest few days of my life. The medicines weren’t working to kickstart my labour. The nurses/midwives seemed frustrated with me and kept telling me to just go in for a D&C — saying I wouldn’t see the baby anyway, that it would just be mush and blood but I was determined to deliver the baby and see what could of been.
After a few days, I suddenly had the urge to poop, and as I sat on the toilet (with a catch tray), my baby finally arrived
— May 30th, 2014.
The nurses/midwives were wrong. My baby was fully intact and fit right in my palm. Tiny hands and Tiny feet.
Listen to your body ladies and your gut feeling — don’t let nurses, midwives, doctors intimidate you just because it’s easier for them. I am so proud of myself for sticking to my choice and getting to see my sweet angel baby.
Unfortunately, when I miscarried at 13 weeks, the hospital told me that the baby was not classed as a baby — only as human tissue — even though your baby’s heartbeat can be detected as early as 8 weeks pregnant.
I asked the hospital, “What happens with the baby now?” and they gave me three options:
1. “We can dispose of it if you want us to” — just like a bit of rubbish.
2. “We can send the baby off to a lab. You’ll be able to find out the gender, but you won’t be able to get the baby back.”
3. “You can take the baby home with you and do your own ceremony or burial.”
So they issued me a hospital letter stating I had human tissue in my possession and sent me home.
I will always wonder if my baby was a boy or a girl.
** TRIGGER WARNING **
NEXT PHOTOS ARE OF MY SWEET ANGEL BABY
BROOKEE MAIDENN 